Bang-a-ding-dong-hoopa lah-la-diggy-ley.

It’s that time of year again, when 437 countries from in and around Europe will send the epitome of their music talent to represent them in a spectacle of mutual love, friendship, harmony and unity, before a televised audience (doesn’t that mean the audience is on TV?) of 138 billion in the gala pree-sentation that is, The Eurovision Song Contest.

Overdid the intro a bit, do you think?

OK… point taken.

Well… what can I say? I love Eurovision.

I know we in Blighty are not supposed to admit that, but I’ve loved the contest ever since it was on after my bedtime in 1974, and I was only able to hear about Abba’s Waterloo second hand.

Yes, I know most of the songs are complete crud, but where else can you hear this kind of unique talent? The bad songs are bad in so many different ways.

Yes I know there’s block (or should that be Bloc) voting, but then you wouldn’t get that little frisson of excitement when one of the Scandinavian countries votes with it’s heart and not it’s passport, or when one of the Eastern European states gives douze points to (gasp!) Malta instead of Russia.

Yes I know the presenters are cringingly terrible, without exception, and of course the “half-time” entertainment is – Riverdance aside – pretty abysmal.

But that’s what makes Eurovision so great. It might frequently be the nadir of taste, but it is always the zenith of kitsch – and all the better for it, if you ask me!

So… 2006 has already seen its share of controversy, as Serbia & Montenegro has withdrawn amid an alleged tactical voting scandal when choosing this year’s entry.

No Name, the Montenegrin band which represented the nation in 2005, won again, but voting irregularities were suspected, and a restaging of the event could not be agreed. And so Serbia and Montenegro withdrew, and could face a fine of 35,000 Swiss Francs and a three-year ban from the competition.

Enforcing the ban could be interesting should the Montenegrin referendum on the Declaration of Independence from Serbia (scheduled for May 21^st – the day after the final) result in a “Yes” vote.

This is serious stuff, you know!

Croatia take the, now, spare place in the final, and this year another new nation, Armenia, enters for the first time with one of its best-known singers is representing his country.

Oh yes… and that’s another thing. The small matter of nationality – or even European-ness – doesn’t come into the equation when seeking Eurovision glory.

After all, a Canadian (Celine Dion) has represented Switzerland, an Australian (Johnny Logan) has represented Ireland (twice!), another Aussie (Olivia Neutron-Bomb) has represented the good old U of K...

I could go on.

In fact I will, because this year’s Swiss entry is a six-piece singing group only one of whose members is actually Swiss.

The others are German.

And Swedish.

And Maltese.

Oh… and Israeli.

And indeed Bosnia-Hercegovinanan…anan (?)

What of the musical stylee itself?

Well, Daz Sampson is representing the UK with a rap… cleverly backed by the ever-popular “schoolgirl” vocals.

It’s just odd enough that it might win… except that he’s up against Finnish Death Metal and German Country ‘n’ Western and an Icelandic character from television fiction (with male strippers – apparently!). Not to mention the, doubtless, numerous power-ballads (probably France and Malta for starters) the never-out-of-date Europop (probably France and Malta for starters) and a lot of somethings that sound vaguely Turkish from anyone to the south east of Italy… except the Greeks who will try to follow last year’s victory with something vaguely Greek… but a bit Turkish, or Europoppy, or power-ballady.

But I don’t think we’ve actively fallen out with anyone this year, and Daz has been doing the clubs around Europe, promoting himself and his song to the Eurovoting public… so could this be our year?

Well, I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

So what of those Eurovision highs? What is the best song to come out of Eurovision?

You’re all shouting Waterloo again, aren’t you?

Well I beg to differ!

It must be admitted that true quality has been thin on the ground but I have four favourites that I wish to share – three of which give away my traditional-folksy leanings, it must be said, and one of which even I admit is more kitsch than class.

So in reverse order, let’s start kitsch.

Yes the 2004 winner, Wild Dances by Ukraine’s Ruslana. I think I would’ve liked the song even without the leather, but it was easily the best song of the year, and a “deserving” winner.

Next the runner-up in 2003, Sanomi by Belgium’s Urban Trad. Again, decidedly folky, and sung in a made-up language. (Before you groan, especially if you are into Enya or Sigur Rós, the former frequently sings in Loxian, the latter in Hopelandic!)

My runner-up… well I couldn’t not give two-thumbs-up to Waterloo now, could I? It is, after all, a top song by the best band ever to appear in the contest. Yes, I’m also a big Abba fan.

But I do think there has been a better song.

In my humble opinion, the 1995 winner, and representing the country of Norway no less, was the best song ever to come from Eurovisionland. It can only barely have stayed within the rules of the game, and indeed the rules may have been changed since then, to insist on more words, as the “song” was almost instrumental.

I give you Nocturne by Secret Garden.

Treat yourself, find it somewhere on the web and have a listen.

As for this year, well it’s the semi-final tomorrow (18^th) and the Grand Final on Saturday (20^th).

Don’t Miss It!!!