Thursday, August 10, 2006

Is There a Doctor in the House?

This will be old news to some readers who know me, and as I originally posted nearly 4 years ago, the numbers are probably out of date.

Also, the database has changed slightly, but you should be able to verify most, if not all of the following GPs on the GPs Register.

If you are in the UK, you can check your Doctor's credentials on www.gmc-uk.org from the current list of approximately 200,000 GMC Doctors.

Of course, your Doctor might be Dr. Smith – but there are 1166 of those - or Dr. Jones (1183) – perhaps Dr. Singh (443) or Dr. Patel (741).

However things could be much more interesting. Sometimes some people seem simply to be suited to their profession – or perhaps not!

From the very same list (name followed by how many)…

Famous Doctors.

Dr. Watson 344 (Elementary!)
Dr. Foster 145 (but only 2 in Gloucester)
Dr. Robert 5 (Beatles fans)
Dr. McCoy 7 (no Leonard's)
Dr. Hoo 3 (well it's close!)

Good Doctors.

Whilst those of a certain age will know of Dr. Kiss Kiss, I could not find any of those but…

Dr. Kiss 3
Dr. Love 32

You'll feel at ease with…

Dr. Nice 3
Dr. Pleasant 1
Dr. Friend 12
Dr. Lovely 1

And of course, what could possibly go wrong when you visit…

Dr. Cure 1
Dr. Safe 3
Dr. Nurse 4
Dr. Doctor 3

You'll feel secure with…

Dr. Secrett 1

But perhaps a little confused with…

Dr. Patient 5

Specialist Doctors.

Maybe you have a particular ailment. Then a visit to one of the following (in roughly descending order) might help.

Dr. Hair 2
Dr. Head 24
Dr. Brain 24
Dr. Skull 2
Dr. Ruth 2 (the shrink!)
Dr. Bone 22
Dr. Smallbone 1
Dr. Limb 6
Dr. Hand 18
Dr. Hands 8
Dr. Lung 2
Dr. Liver 1
Dr. Back 4
Dr. Bottom 1
Dr. Belli 2
Dr. Tumi 1
Dr. Willy 1
Dr. Kneebone 5
Dr. Legg 10
Dr. Foot 9

If your time is precious, choose carefully between…

Dr. Quick 6
Dr. Slowe 2

Ones to avoid?

Perhaps it is in the best interests of your clean bill of health not to visit…

Dr. Bugg 3

And maybe steer clear of…

Dr. Beer 16
Dr. Beere 1
Dr. de Beer 13
Dr. Beers 1
Dr. Wines 1
Dr. Winer 1
Dr. Ginn 2
Dr. Ginns 2
Dr. Drinkall 1

...preferring…

Dr. Low-Beer 3
Dr. Drinkwater 5
Dr. Waterdrinker 1

…and of course…

Dr. Sober 1

Under no circumstances whatsoever should you visit…

Dr. Pain 10
Dr. Hurt 2
Dr. Risk 3
Dr. Blood 2
Dr. Cutter 3
Dr. Fear 4
Dr. Crack 1
Dr. Crackett 1
Dr. Scarr 2
Dr. Scarabelli 1
Dr. Grave 1
Dr. Gash 4
Dr. Slaughter 1
Dr. Coffin 4
Dr. De'ath 1
Dr. Kille 1
Dr. Heaven 3
Dr. Hell 1

Wrong Profession?

Maybe give these a miss as well.

Dr. Catt 1
Dr. Rabbitt 2
Dr. Woof 1
Dr. Goose 2
Dr. Gander 1
Dr. Duck 4 (and yes... one is called Donald!)

Friday, August 04, 2006

Seriously...

Like many people, I like sport.

I used to play football, and loved it, but now get most of my pleasure vicariously by watching all those sporting heroes.

My virtual sports of choice, roughly in order of preference, are Formula 1, Winter Sports, Football, Track and Field Athletics and Cycling.

Trouble is, of those five, it is hard almost beyond measure to enjoy them as I would like.

Just prior to le Tour, pro-cycling received (at the time) the latest in a long and undistinguished line of drug-related scandal.

The UCI named 56 of it’s members as drug cheats , with damning enough evidence that T-Mobile and Team CSC withdrew their No. 1 riders and event favourites, Jan Ullrich (1997 Tour de France Winner and 5 time Runner-up, 1999 Vuelta a España Winner) and Ivan Basso (2006 Giro d’Italia Winner) respectively, from the Tour. Other riders of major standing were also withdrawn.

Nevertheless, le Tour went ahead, the event being bigger than any of the competitors, and one of the most open an exciting Tours in recent history ensued.

Floyd Landis finally, and remarkably, on account of the osteonecrosis in his hip, took the Maillot Jaune on the Champs Elysees. His intention after the three-week race was to schedule in the hip-replacement operation he needs.

Due to his condition, Landis has special dispensation from the UCI to take an otherwise banned painkiller.

Then the news emerges that Landis fails a drug-test during the race!

Apparently abnormally high levels of testosterone were found in his system. Landis protests his innocence, but is the sport now irreparably damaged?

How is it possible for me to believe Landis on the back of Operacion Puerto?

For that matter, it is in some cases known and in others highly suspected that pro-cyclists have used performance-enhancing methods (drugs, hormones, blood-doping etc.) throughout their careers.

So, as much as I want to, how can I believe Lance Armstrong, who has never failed a drug test, when he says that he is “clean”. And let’s not get precious about it. How can I believe the British cyclists? David Millar, who took part in this year’s Tour, has confessed to using EPO in 2001 and 2003

Cycling’s reputation (if it had one!) is shattered – at least in my eyes.

So, we’ll move onto Track and Field, because only in the last week Justin Gatlin – the joint World Record holder for 100m – has failed a drugs test, and is likely to be stripped of his times and recent titles, before being banned… for his second offence!

Gatlin (not surprisingly) claims innocence, but then he is under the tutelage of Trevor Graham – coach of eight other athletes who have tested positive for drugs, a total that includes 6 World Champions and a World Record holder.

Britain’s record? Well, for example, Dwain Chambers, reputation potentially in tatters as part of the BALCO scandal, has just retuned to competition following a two-year drugs ban.

We all “knew” in the bad old days of the Eastern Bloc that Soviet and Eastern European athletes’ abilities were “enhanced”. We were fine singing from atop our high horses, weren’t we!!!

And so once again, how can I – Joe Public – possibly trust a single athlete on the world (or perhaps even junior) stage?

Athletics is hanging on by a thread, in my opinion, and needs to buck its ideas up quickly before it is viewed with the same mistrust as Cycling, assuming it’s not already too late.

Football next, I guess.

Whilst there seems to be less evidence of performance enhancing drug taking in “The Beautiful Game”, its reputation is getting closer to the brink as it seems to be played almost entirely by either thugs or cheats.

Often, this action is put down to the young age of many of the top players, but
a) increasing age rarely seems to effect the onset of increasing fair play and
b) their team managers often positively condone the actions of the players.

As a consequence, the major tournaments are more about who dives, jostles the referee, feigns injury, waves imaginary red and yellow cards, and less about any beauty in the game whatsoever.

Of my list, this leaves Winter Sport (a bit of a catch-all I know) and F1.

Winter Sports might be minor in comparison to the previous activities (even cycling) but that hasn’t inhibited the methods of the cheats.

Biathlon and Cross-country Skiing are endurance winter events, and there have been recent occurrences of athletes failing drug-tests, whilst other events have had their (un)fair share.

It means that at the back of my mind, there is always this nagging doubt about whose will be the next heroic performance that is drug-fuelled.

So maybe the last bastion of fair play is the F1 Circus?

Drug-cheating is probably (probably!) non-existent but that doesn’t mean they’re all good-guys.

When the driver who is arguably the greatest of all time (although not in my opinion) cannot but stop himself from downright breaking the rules by parking his car acrros the track during qualifying (thereby protecting his own best time) – well what hope for sporting endeavour, sporting greatness.

What hope for the genuine sportsperson?